Odd that I should say that since I was going through hell trying to feel adequate as a father and husband now that I was on disability. Life would have been unlivable without the gospel in mine, though. Going to Utah to see Russ gave a boost of confidence. I could tell the man cared for me.
Melinda loves that man! It was hard not to compare the love in his family to the love in my family. I wondered if I deserved the love of my wife because she looks at me the same way Melinda looks at Russ. I am nowhere near as great as that guy, I thought. I could not even work a job at that time without passing out! I got over it. Russ is sort of contagious with self-confidence. If he was being fake, he is such a good actor!
Melinda, Ivy, Mosiah, Ephraim, Naomi and Sariah all took turns using me as a target. I did enjoy it eventually. When I realized that I could maneuver a bit without falling, I started to toss snowballs back. Sariah, my second oldest girl, began to throw huge boulder-sized chunks of snow from the mini-mountain they had climbed at me; so, I decided to walk away before I was killed.
I knew that I would not be able to get up without help. I did it. I walked toward the road with triumph in my heart, braggartly preparing to admit to Xavier that I made it without tumbling. As I triumphantly took my last step to the road, my left leg disappeared into dirty gray snow, and I landed on my keister.
I laughed, but no one else did. I could not get up at all! I didn’t want Russ to see me. I hoped that Xavier was close by to help since I ventured out without a walker or a cane, but he was nowhere close. I flopped around in the snow for a minute in shame until a good Samaritan ran to my aid picking me up to my embarrassment. I should say he more snatched me off the ground than picked me up, but it was embarrassing either way because he had to hold me up. I did not want to be a burden on those around me—an invalid.